Why Men Need Close Friendships Too

July 19, 20264 min read

Ask a lot of men how many close friends they have, and you might get a long pause. Many men have plenty of buddies, people to watch football with or grab a beer after work. But when it comes to someone they could call at two in the morning to talk about something painful, the list gets very short. Sometimes it has only one name on it: their partner.

This is not a small issue. Studies in many countries suggest that men have fewer close friends than they used to, and that many men feel lonely but would never say so. Male friendship deserves more attention, care and honesty.

Why it gets harder for men

From a young age, many boys learn that showing emotion is weak. They learn to joke instead of share, to compete instead of comfort. Friendship becomes about doing things together, sports, games, work, rather than talking about feelings.

That side-by-side style of friendship can be wonderful. But without any deeper sharing, it can leave men without support when life gets hard. A job loss, a divorce, a death in the family. These are times when a man needs a friend he can be honest with.

As men get older, work and family often take over. Friendships that were easy at school or university fade. Many men rely almost entirely on their partner for emotional support. That puts a lot of pressure on one relationship and leaves men very isolated if that relationship ends.

The cost of loneliness

Loneliness is not just sad. It affects health. It has been linked to higher risks of heart disease, depression and other problems. Men who are lonely may also be more likely to turn to drinking or other unhealthy ways of coping.

In many places, men also have higher rates of suicide. There are many reasons for this, but isolation and not having anyone to talk to are often part of the picture. Close friendships can be genuinely life-saving.

Side-by-side is a great start

The good news is that men do not need to completely change how they connect. Activity-based friendship is a strength. Doing things together creates bonds. Fishing, playing football, fixing cars, hiking, gaming, cooking. These shared activities give a natural reason to spend time together.

Often, deeper conversations happen during these activities. It is easier to talk about something heavy while walking or working on a project than while sitting face to face. If you want closer friendships, look for regular activities you can do with other men.

Take the first step

Many men feel awkward asking another man to hang out. It can feel strange or even a bit like asking someone on a date. But most men would welcome the invitation. They just are not going to be the ones to make the first move.

Keep it simple. 'I'm going to the game on Saturday, want to come?' or 'Want to grab breakfast next week?' Small, low-pressure plans are easy to say yes to.

If you want to reconnect with an old friend, just send a message. 'Hey man, been thinking about you. Want to catch up?' It might feel awkward for a second, but it is usually appreciated.

Go a little deeper

Once a friendship is established, try sharing something real. It does not need to be a huge confession. Just a bit more honesty than usual. 'Work has been really stressful lately,' or 'Things have been tough at home.'

You might be surprised. Often, when one man opens up, the other feels relieved and opens up too. Many men are carrying similar worries and just need permission to talk about them.

If a friend shares something with you, listen without making jokes or immediately trying to fix it. Simply saying 'That sounds really hard, man' can mean a lot.

Groups can help

For some men, groups are an easier way to build friendship. Sports teams, men's sheds, religious groups, hobby clubs or support groups can create a sense of belonging. Some communities now have men's groups specifically designed for talking about life, where sharing is expected and supported.

Being part of a regular group means you see the same people often, which is one of the key ingredients for friendship to grow.

Partners can support it

If you are partnered with a man, you can support his friendships. Encourage him to spend time with friends. Do not see it as competition. A man with good friends often brings more happiness and less pressure into the relationship.

Strength in connection

Real strength is not doing everything alone. It is knowing when to lean on others and letting them lean on you. Close friendships make men healthier, happier and more resilient.

If you are a man reading this, think about one friend you could reach out to this week. Send that message. Make that plan. It might feel like a small step, but it could be the start of a friendship that carries you through the hardest days of your life.